Okay, I’m starting to develop a complex. I’m a fairly well-adjusted human being. I have the usual family-related issues, being a middle child and all, and I do have a small bird phobia. Oh, not a phobia of small birds, but a much reduced dislike and disdain for birds around the size of crows or pigeons, because pigeons are stupid and will fly at you because they don’t know any better and because crows are smart and they know exactly how to scare you. I don’t like being stopped in traffic on bridges because of earthquakes  and I do at least triple check to see that the garage door is closed but that’s just because I’m so conscientious after having been robbed a time or two. So as you can see from what I’ve told you, I’m fairly well adjusted. Except when it comes to smoke detectors.

I had another experience with our smoke detectors today. I was trying to nap before our Bard on the Bandstand show. I was cuddled up on the couch with a small blanket when the smoke detector located right above my head chirped. We had replaced the batteries in it just a while ago so I wasn’t expecting it. I sat up, thinking maybe it was a sound on the TV or from something outside, or even just something I had imagined in my semi-asleep state. Nope. It was chirping. I got up and checked the house just in case there was a reason for the noise. When I came downstairs again, I could smell smoke. I went down to the front door and opened it. The outside air was very smoky, almost acrid. I couldn’t see any smoke but I could feel it on the back of my throat. So, if it was the outside air the nasty smoke detector was reacting to, then I could control that. I closed all the windows and turned on all the fans. Nope. Still chirping. I texted Dale in explicit language. He suggested that I vacuum the detector. The pollen count has been high and there is construction all around us. The front windows have been open for weeks so the filter on the detector could have been full of particulates, especially if the air was smoky. So, I got the shop vac, attached the extension and a small brush, leaned on the couch and vacuumed the detector. Success.

However, the anxiety about the flipping detector remained. I could feel my shoulders tighten as I waited for the next chirp. As time passed my shoulders relaxed a little. I didn’t open any windows nor did I turn off any fans. I also didn’t make my lunch. I figured I’d pick something up on my way to the show. What I did do was think about how in the past three years I’ve had more than my share of negative experiences with smoke detectors. How is it that in three years I’ve been more traumatized by smoke detectors than I have in the previous 50+? Well, I guess the first twenty years are easily explained, I don’t think we had smoke detectors in our house when we were growing up. I can’t remember them in the first houses we owned but they may have been there. I do remember waving tea towels at poorly placed smoke detectors in some of our kitchens when the kids burned toast but those experiences didn’t affect me like they do now. Now when the detector chirps my heart rate goes up and my whole body tenses. I jump every time it makes a sound. Lord help me if it really goes off. I’ll probably have a heart attack. Are smoke detectors more sensitive now, or am I? It could be both statements are true.

So, I’m sitting here with tight shoulders, fans blowing on me as I tap the keyboard writing this blog. I am expecting a chirp any time now. The shop vac is standing at the ready. I am thinking that I should leave early for the show. We have a 5:00 call, it’s 3:30 now. It’ll take at least half an hour to get there. If I stop someplace to get a sandwich that’ll take time too. Yup. That’s the ticket. I’ll leave. But the question still remains: if a smoke detector chirps when I’m not in the room, will it still freak me out?