There have been many discussions in the media about the importance of being connected, of feeling like you’re a part of something. Of course every discussion mentions how our cellphones and social media apps are making us more disconnected that ever. Maybe, but there have been times in my life when the opposite has been true.

We’ve moved a lot in our married life. In fact, we haven’t lived in any house more than three years; we’re coming up on three in our current home, oops, I hope I didn’t jinx anything! Sometimes we moved within a neighbourhood or within a city, but sometimes those moves took us someplace new and far away. In the eighties we tried to keep in touch with friends via letters, phone calls and visits. Sometimes that worked, but more often it didn’t. We have maintained some wonderful friendships from that time in our lives, and we have reconnected with some but most fell by the wayside.

Today I had a surprise visit from a dear friend, the realtor we worked with when we moved here. She was in the neighbourhood and so she rang our bell, hoping I was home. We had a lovely little visit, catching up on each other’s lives. She remarked how much she loved my Facebook posts, that it made her feel like she was still in our lives because she was sharing in our experiences, albeit from a distance. That really resonated with me. I feel exactly the same way.

When my Facebook friends post pictures or updates, I feel connected to them. Sometimes I respond, sometimes I don’t, but every time I feel something. Some of these friends are a long way from me. I may not ever see them again, but that doesn’t mean I won’t be happy for them when they accomplish something, or that I won’t offer up positive thoughts into the universe when they struggle. I love hearing about their escapades and their travels. I love looking at their photos, knowing that they represent things that are important to them. I love their political or spiritual posts, even though I may not always agree with them. Those posts just help to round out their personalities. We don’t all have to like or believe the same things to get along, we just have to be respectful.

I know people hate Facebook. The app targets us, sending us ads and posts that their research says we will like. “They” collect information about us and “they” may know more about me than I know myself. Some of that is creepy and there may be even some nefarious purposes at play. But when I can catch up with a childhood friend, touch base with a person I worked with at the beginning of my career or message someone I met in a theatre group in one of the small towns we moved to, I feel connected. And I can put up with some ads and suck up my paranoia about identity theft to get that connection.

Sometimes technology does separate us. I’ve been in a skytrain car, standing with my cane while a younger, fitter person was sitting, hiding behind her phone so she wouldn’t have to see me, get up and give me her seat. I’ve avoided someone by taking my time responding to emails. But I can talk to my mom without long distance charges on my cellphone, something that she sometimes forgets, chiding me for spending so much money calling her. I can help my son, his fiancée and her family with wedding plans via group messages. Group emails can make short work of any job.

Having said all this, nothing is better than a surprise visit from a friend. I love going for coffee or lunch with friends, or on shopping trips with them. I thrive on my theatre connections, hanging out before rehearsals and winding down together after shows. I don’t want to ever give up travelling to spend time with someone important in my life. A face to face connection is always better than an internet connection, but in our busy, far apart lives, I’ll take what I can get.

Facebook may have once been the purview of the young, but us boomers have taken to it like arthritic ducks to warm water. With our phones, tablets or outdated desktop computers, we can send each other jokes about getting older and tips to deal with sleepless nights. We can share recipes to help us lose weight and memes that wax nostalgic about our childhoods. But mostly we can use the current technology to maintain or build relationships. If somehow, someday we don’t live just minutes from our grandson, I know that technology will allow us to still be a big part of his life. Hey, maybe some day we can use a transporter beam to visit, after all, many of the technological advances dreamed up in the original Star Trek have come to pass. Beam us up (and then across the country) Scottie, Mimi and Poppy need to see Ari!