We are obsessed with labels. From the moment we are born we are labelled: girl, daughter, sister. Then we grow and add new ones – toddler, student, friend. In our families we get other labels – the troublemaker, the peacemaker, the pretty one, the smart one. And sometimes those labels follow us into school. The labelling never really stops. Girlfriend, wife, mother, grandmother. We label ourselves with the things we do – student, clerk, teacher. And when we stop working outside the home we simply add retired in front of the label.
Some labelling is necessary. If we embrace who we are, without confusion, we accept that we are a girl, a sister, a daughter. They do more than label us, they define us, they give us our place in the world. Some we celebrate – fiancée, bride, graduate. Some we don’t – put your own nasty labels here. However, every label that somehow attaches to us, even for just a moment, affects us, and affects how people see us.
There was a topic on a talk show that got me thinking about this. Hillary Clinton’s Twitter bio lists some labels. Her personal labels started with wife and then mother, grandmother and so on. The discussion was that she shouldn’t have listed wife first, I guess because she and Bill had had marital issues, remember? It’s been changed by the way. She now lists her professional labels first, then starts her personal ones with mother. Really? People got upset over that? There are no rules for listing labels for people. It’s easy to do for our food – start with the most prevalent ingredient and work your way through the list to the least prevalent. If I choose to list “fairy godmother” at the top of my personal labels, well, let’s just say anyone who disagrees with that would feel the wrath of my wand across the top of their head.
Sometimes we do label ourselves with too many negatives. And we can get too hung up on some of the labels. However, there is no way we could ever list every label that fits. We have to pick and choose the ones that bring us the most joy or the ones that most fully describe who we are, at the core of our being, at this moment in time. Because we change, our labels must also change. And some labels have become offensive. We once used words no one should utter now to describe people of different races or cultures or people with developmental delays and/or difficulties. Some days I embrace my negative labels. Yes, I can be a bitch, which just means that I disagree with you and I’m willing to say so. Yes, I can be a little obsessive but that doesn’t really interfere with your life so back off. I know that sounds a little aggressive, so feel free to add that to the list too, along with smart ass.
If I were limited to a handful of labels, what would I choose? Twenty-five years ago I would have chosen wife, mother, teacher and that would have been about it. Those labels consumed most of my time. Today my list would be wife, mother, grandmother, friend, writer, actor, cookie maker and happily retired afternoon couch napper. Tomorrow I may have to add more, or take some away, depending on my state of mind and body.
This I know however, my labels don’t define me. I’m so much more than a list of words. And so are you. So embrace the ones you like, discard the ones that don’t fit any more and get on with it. Oh yes, you can add bossy pants, or inspiring leader, to my labels.
