I went shopping at Safeway the other day. It was a beautiful sunny day and as I walked up, I saw my reflection in the glass doors. Before they slid open, I had a moment of despair. Oh my, I truly am a “fluffy”, middle-aged woman. I sighed then I walked in and did my shopping,

Later I reflected on that reflection. Yes, I am middle-aged. On my next birthday I will be more than halfway through my fifties. Yes, I am fluffy. I lost about fifteen pounds last year doing a musical and in preparation for our older son’s wedding. Well, they must have missed me because they’re back. But that’s okay. I’m quite healthy and my body does most of what I ask it to do. My left knee probably needs replacing but I keep the pain under control with rest, Aleve and ice, along with regular walking and soon, biking. Yes, I have grey roots two weeks after I get my hair coloured but my face is still relatively unlined, just some lovely laugh lines around my eyes and mouth. And when I’m feeling beautiful and sexy, I am! I still have a waist and I can still rock a pair of heels. 

The biggest changes in my middle age aren’t visible. I am more comfortable in my skin than I have ever been. Would I like to be thinner? Yes. Am I going to stop eating? No. I’m a foodie. I love to cook and bake. I spend hours online looking up new recipes, checking reviews and suggestions. I love going out to eat, trying new food trends and new restaurants. I watch all the cooking shows. To be more healthy I’m using more natural foods, like coconut oil, in my cooking and I don’t use any packaged items. We frequent organic markets and butchers. So if my body is comfortable at this weight, and I have no health issues, then I will dress this body to be as attractive and comfortable as possible.

I am more confident in who I am. This is me. Take me or leave me, it doesn’t really matter. I have accepted that I’m not everyone’s cup of tea, and that’s okay, because there are some people out there who aren’t mine. However, I will be polite and pleasant and respectful to you, so you had better do the same to me. But if you’re not, I probably won’t say anything. What you do and say tells the world about you. If you’re an ass that has nothing to do with me. And I’m not an ass so I won’t act that way. I might cuss you out when I tell people about what you did, but you won’t know. By the way, I do cuss. I love a good f-bomb, and if you don’t, well, I’ll try not to drop it too often around you. 

I’m not competing any more. You may have a bigger house, more money, a thinner body or a newer car. You may go on four vacations a year, have a pool in your backyard and wear diamonds and pearls. That’s great. Good for you. I hope those things bring you joy and contentment. The things I have are the things I need and want. You may be going a mile a minute, off on your adventures. I’m happy in my little townhouse, watching people going by, drinking tea. I’m happy, right here, right now. I’ve learned love and joy and happiness aren’t things you chase; they are things that come to you as you live your life as authentically as you can.

I know those old sayings are mostly true. Beauty is only skin deep but ugly goes clear to the bone. I’ve known some physically beautiful people who were nasty, nasty people. It was like they had a veneer covering their ugliness. And I’ve known some people who became more beautiful as I got to know them; the beauty of their souls transformed them in my eyes. This too will pass. Nothing lasts forever. This wonderful day will come to an end and while that’s sad, I must enjoy it now or I will miss it. This horrible day will also end, and that’s good, knowing that it will end means I can get through it. It’s always darkest just before the dawn. That’s because as soon as you can see your way through anything, it gets better. Remember at some point you are no longer walking into the forest, you are walking out, because this too will pass. Don’t judge a book by its cover. That big, tattooed covered biker might be a teddy bear, and that well-dressed, attractive woman might be thin but miserable because she abuses her pain medication. Better yet, don’t judge at all. Get to know someone then make an informed choice. The same is true for new experiences. Without judgement, you are open, and that’s a wonderful thing. Now, having said that, I also believe you should trust your gut and use your common sense. While I might be open to going white-water rafting, if the raft is patched and the guide is drunk, I’m not going. 

Happy is as happy does. Only boring people are bored. With a book in your hand, you’re never alone. Treat others as you would like to be treated. Anything worth doing is worth doing right. If you don’t have time to do it right, you must have time to do it over. Actions speak louder than words. There are many truths to be found in those and other adages. They’ve stood the test of time because of their truth. However, it is NOT true that your face will freeze that way, so grimace away and be silly! Every day needs a little fairy dust. Silliness and whimsy are necessary parts of life. And I’m sorry; there are many, many things that taste way better than thin feels. 

Old age is not for sissies, but it is a privilege denied to many. Laugh, cry, daydream, dance, bake, eat, walk, travel, read, write, whatever…enjoy your life.  You’ll love some things about your life, and body, and you’ll hate others. Change what you can (and want to) and embrace the others. And when things hurt, and they will, take some meds (or have an adult drink, I like Scotch) and rest. Then go back out and crush it!