I was at our local Shopper’s the other day. The lovely young woman behind the counter was friendly and efficient. After my items were scanned she asked, “Do you have a PC Optimum card Miss?” I pulled it up on my phone, and as she scanned it I told her I hadn’t been a “Miss” in over 40 years, and that I was definitely a “Ma’am”. She raised her eyebrows and opened her eyes wide. “Really?” she asked. I assured her that I was and that in many places, “Ma’am” is a title of respect. She bagged up my purchases, handed them to me and said with a grin, “Have a great day Ma’am.” I grinned back, thanked her and left.

It happened to me in a restaurant too. And the young server was equally surprised when I told him I was not a “Miss”. Really? Clearly I am not young – my lined face, comfortable body and natural grey hair shout that to anyone with eyes. And few servers, cashiers, baristas or other people in the service industry can say “Miss” to me without an uncomfortable smile or involuntary eyebrow motion. They know I’m not a “Miss” but they are terrified to say “Ma’am” in case I’m offended by it.

Well, I’m here to take back “Ma’am” as a title of respect. I’ve earned it with years of hard work and hard won experiences. And I am a woman over 60. Why pretend I’m young? As if being young is what’s important, indeed, even desired. Nope. I’m quite happy to be in my 60s. So don’t patronize me by calling me “Miss”.

We have travelled in several Southern US states. There, if a woman is your age or older, you call her Ma’am. In fact, if you don’t reply “Yes Ma’am” or “No Ma’am” when responding you are risking your life, or at least risking being called out over your bad manners. Of course, the woman calling you out would do it politely, after all, she knows what good manners are.

So, if you are a child in your twenties or younger, I will call you by your name if I know it. Thank you Susan, I appreciate that. Yes Brittany, that would be great. If I don’t know your name, I will respond without it. But, if you work with me, or are clearly not a child in your twenties or younger, I may use your name, or I may offer you my respect by adding “Ma’am” to my comments. Yes ma’am, I agree, the costume works. No ma’am, I couldn’t eat another bite. If that offends you, let me know and I’ll stop.

I think I’m going to start a movement to take back the title Ma’am. A line of pins, bracelets and t-shirts will be available soon. And while I’m at it, I’ll work on getting people to stop saying “Ninety years young” or calling elderly women “young ladies” as in “Tell me your secret to life, young lady”. Well, it helped she didn’t patronize her elders because they would have beaten her with their canes. Honouring age and experience should be a given. I would also like to reclaim the word crone, but that’s a battle for another day.